"Wink of an Eye" (6/10)
Some Superfasties need the Enterprise for a Thing. Horniness prevents the bad guys from succeeding. Choosing an alliance is a coin-flip.
-- I figured out what was happening before the big reveal at the 15 minute mark. I thought it'd be cooler if instead of some horny woman, Kirk had time traveled and had caused all this ruckus to prevent the Enterprise from doing something. I admire what's presented, though, including a really good Kirk moment where they tell him not to touch something so he touches it for like ten seconds. How are the aliens moving around the ship so quickly if the doors take forever to open for them? Oh well.
"That Which Survives" (5/10)
Space quake! Inexplicable being! You'd think an anti-matter constructor would find a more effective method of quote defending itself unquote.
-- Buncha residual characters in this one, and has a bit of a "The Cage" vibe. In fact, in seems like a draft of the Pilot episode. Evidence: Spock is suddenly incapable of detecting hyperbole from the eccentric Scottish engineer and is generally somewhat of a dick. Evidence: phasers can help dig graves. Evidence: most of those peripheral characters die. This plot is old space hat, but it's a bit refreshing to see a danger alien have an animation that accompanies her sudden disappearance, instead of the usual jump cut. She leaves like Mega Man sorta! Ooo hey, suspenseful seqeuence aboard the Enterprise where someone finally uses 'reverse the polarity,' ultimate solution for everything except a supercomputer. Speaking of which, a nameless redshirt just gets to shoot the fuck out of one this time 'round.
"Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" (6/10)
Oh, this is the blackface/whiteface episode. Did Kirk just say "southernmost part of the galaxy"? That don't make a lick a'sense. The level of Starfleet operation I imagined from the beginning.
-- The DOP got all crazy with the zoom feature on the camera when the ship goes into Red Alert - whoa, never mind, this shit's a tour de force! It's a shame the aliens were headmakeydo, I was really enjoying the down to Earth (the southernmost, if you will) nature of the political battle. We even get a glimpse of the complex self destruct system and it's all suspenseful and shit. Badass!
"Whom Gods Destroy" (6/10)
Prisons are never your forte so stay the fuck away. A much better example of a back-and-forth between hero and villain than previously shown. Distracting boobs.
-- This one's a little all over the place, but each place seems to be well executed. The opening before the shapeshift reveal was kinda spooky. And then it wheels onto being HILARIOUS after holy shit, Kirk actually prepared for the possibility of being imitated down to the cell and taught the Enterprise crew a keyphrase. Good man! Now bang that Orion slavegirl, bang her good this second.
"The Mark of Gideon" (5/10)
A dystopian novel needs Kirk for a Thing. Pro 'needs of the many' mark. Contraception is probably a better idea, are you sure this isn't an Imitative society?
-- Kirk's getting better at this Captaining job. When he beams alone to the Enterprise replica, he immediately thinks that it's an unknown intelligence that has done it. Too bad he's off about what is actually happening (awesome in itself). Artiface, woo! It's almost a great one, but the plot kinda fizzles out in the last ten minutes when Spock beams to the Enterprise replica rather easily and makes some incredibly wild leaps in a confusing voice over.
"The Lights of Zetar" (4/10)
Oh no, a crazy ass electrical storm! Get out of its path! Hide the peripheral female charact- ooop, too late, some sort of headmakeydo is in her now.
-- Eh, this one drags a lot. We get to see the return of the pressurization chamber in this episode. I bet they've exhausted the uses for it now. I'm sad that everyone died on Memory Alpha, it sounded like a kickass planetoid. Knock another con 'needs of the many' argument onto the tally and I Didn't Like It.
"The Cloud Minders" (4/10)
George Lucas rips off the show again! Ehhhh sorta, this shit's ripping off Metropolis after all. Positive interpretation: improve working conditions. Negative interpretation: reports of a mentally deficient working class are true.
-- Someone got too literal with the social caste war, and it's clear who the bad guys are going to be before it's over. At least there's a scientific explanation and eventual solution operating behind it all. Is that any reason to fuck the Prime Directive again and do a score of illegal shit? No is the answer.
"The Way to Eden" (3/10)
Star Trek shows that in spite of being embarassingly out of touch, they are willing to co-opt a political movement for their own purposes. Fuck hippies.
-- Cry Herbert, there were a lot of songs in this. All them squares was taken over rather easily by these starchildren. Daddy-O. Y notice how that Russian woman's nose moves up and down every time she speaks? And did this brazen crossing of the Romulan Neutral Zone result in anything? In spite of liking how it turned out (ie the hippies died because they're so fucking stupid), I Hated It.
"Requiem for Methuselah" (4/10)
Good thing that robot can't aim, or the away team would have been killed before you finally told it not to kill them!
-- Here's another clear instance where Kirk flexes his power to get what he wants. Flint is not so off the case about Starfleet looking chiefly after Starfleet interests in spite of their own rules (assuming Kirk is, indeed, representing Starfleet policy accurately). You can't even make the excuse that Flint is a fascist leader this time; he only wants to be left alone. Then these assholes come in and demand a cure for something and then try to fuck his wife. But I guess the real focus of this is that a woman, even Bette Midler's clone, makes her own decisions. Strange ending ensues.
"The Savage Curtain" (5/10)
A zenith of bizarreness reached, you charming negress. To paraphrase a line from How Did This Get Made's best episode: someone said "Hey, you guys wanna do some 'shrooms and write an episode of Star Trek?"
-- And it's one that is well executed enough that I have a hard time hating it. From the rock/poop creature's lights that match what it is saying, to the (initially) correct(ish) perspective of the Enterprise's recorders, to finally the crew voicing the apt concerns with jesusfucking Abraham Lincoln coming onboard, things oddly follow an operation of logic. I like that Kirk and Spock don't "win" so much as "survive." Perhaps the best all-powerful-mediator episode, JFA Lincoln's presence is the only thing keeping it locked below the good.
"All Our Yesterdays" (6/10)
Lighthearted dealings with a strange old man lead to major problems. Less-early Holodeck genesis?! Ohh, no, looks like actual time machine.
-- Well, we could take the 'in another time' statements figuratively, and the atavachron is a giant computer simulation for criminals, hence why the away team can hear one another. But we lose the poetic nature of Spock's loss (as well as the nonsensical reason he begins to act irrationally) if we go that route. And may I say... that was one provocative cavegirl...
"Turnabout Intruder" (6/10)
Sadistic women have apparently been trying to teach us about their oppression since the late sixties... by brutally murdering helpless men.
-- Like the Buffy the Vampire Slayer body-switch two-parter "This Year's Girl" and "Who Are You?" this episode is uncommonly unshitty given the nature of the concept, with suspenseful moments and a creative showdown provided by a legal Court Martial (proving that Starfleet indeed has a much tighter system in place than the monarch/republic/whateverthehell in Sonic the Hedgehog #233). We are even gifted for the very first time: references to previous adventures. It's nice to see it go out on a high note finally, I'm looking forward to the next seas- oh, wait.