"The Pirates of Orion" (3/10)
I can’t help but think they are mispronouncing the name throughout the entire episode, like Oreo with an “on” sound at the end. That must cause some confusion when it’s written down in Starfleet reports.
--A combination of a terminal disease episode and a “Balance of Terror” style showdown, which you’d think would write itself. Close, but no, not quite. It’s another suitable story for a live-action counterpart, complete with awkward fight scene.
"Bem" (3/10)
A petty bureaucrat observes the Enterprise crew in a survey mission while at the same time sabotaging it. Things get WHAT THE almost immediately when he disassembles himself. Weird moment in cages.
--It at least have a couple of things going for it, like the Kirk/Bem political arguments and things like: after getting captured twice, Kirk says, “There are times, Mr. Spock, when I think I should have been a librarian.” A pretty good line so maybe AW BALLS ALL POWERFUL MEDIATOR FUCK!
"The Practical Joker" (4/10)
“Captain, an unidentified energy field-” AAARGH! RUN! FUCKING RUN YOU MORONS!
--Like a spattering of other episodes I don't feel like going back and looking up, it has a complete script and a compelling story idea with the ship computer getting infected by a joke-virus and- whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute… The Enterprise has a holodeck?! That’s it, I’m outta here.
"Albatross" (3/10)
Spock in command position finally gets a win.
--I didn’t realize that they hadn’t done a trial episode yet, although it eventually becomes less about proving Bones’s innocence and more about finding a cure for the plague set upon them. It’s almost less-bad, just suffers from plodding along without many interesting things happening.
"How Sharper Than a Serpent’s Tooth" (4/10)
They battle a Mayan god, KukulKAAAN! Seriously, more gods have come to Earth and caused a ruckus than... somewhere else where that has happened a lot. Then they pick a spot in space to take up residence until we stumble across them? I don't fucking buy it.
--We are introduced to the character Walking Bear, an Injun who happens to have the information needed to advance the plot. Where do you place him? At navigation, replacing the off-putting Ensign Erix who has weird skin and four legs? Or do you replace the beloved Sulu? Guess what they chose to do. Can that guy ever escape getting shafted? Maybe he doesn't want to OHHHHHHHHHH. They spring a sudden Galactic Zoo on you, but then diverge into philosophical territory. Ridiculous plot, good execution. By comparison, of course.
"The Counter-Clock Incident" (4/10)
The Enterprise runs into some Benjamin Button shit. Overuse of the word “universe.”
--They mess around with Starfleet history here, but my knowledge of it isn’t so good so I don’t know if having old Enterprise crew members is a contradiction. It certainly isn’t in line with the Abrams film but what the hell does that mean. Anyhow, the Crew ages in reverse at varying speeds, depending on the story requirements, Spock gets jobbed out of a command position and because we can’t very well leave our main characters as children, there’s a weird fix with the transporter similar to the one in “The Terratin Incident.” How funny that both Incidents do that. I guess I’m done now? Thank GOD.
